Forgetting

Lately, i have noticed how little of my life i remember. I remember all the lessons i learned, everything i was taught...but i dont remember experiences much. Everything before grade Nine was a blur, progressively getting better. And i mean a blur, i can hardly remember anything, sometimes something will remind me of something that happened, and ill remember a part of it, but even that memory catches me off guard. Its so vague, so distant, that those memories feel like clips from a movie, my imagination, something about someone else i read. My childhood memories feel like someone elses, and i wonder if it has something to do with the wolf, waking. Sometimes, memory loss like that could be caused by trauma, and i was bullied constantly since grade five, but thats not nearly traumatic enough, isnt it? So what, i was depressed, those memories could've been suppressed subconsciously.
 I still dont know about it though, i dont understand it really, and it confuses me. I know most of the character building ive undergone to become who i am today has mostly happened in highschool around.
Even so, it feels like the childhood me was a far different person, and thinking about it, many things ive been told from my siblings either do not sound like me at all, i dont remember at all or are just.....I know wasnt the same me as now. I was pathetic, weak, naive and stupid, as many children are, but it too different of a way to really turn into me now. I just cant make the connection, and still i remember little. Every once in a while, something resurfaces, but even so, i dont care much about it.
All the matters to me is that i learn from the past, and prepare for the future today. My present and my future is Persephone and id have no other way.

Anyways, just another thought, dunno who is reading any of this, but see ya.

Deserved

I love Persephone so much, shes amazing, i could not ask for more.
But i cant help but think sometimes, i cant help but feel that i do not deserve her. I feel like she should do better..
I want to take her away from everything she cant escape that bugs her, but what if im not the one to do it?
Is it really my right, my fate to be with her. I cant shake this feeling, this feeling of loss, that im going to lose her. Its more likely that i know that im not going to be her final companion, i will not be the last man she loves, this is inevitable, its a slim chance i am wrong. But still, i will not let that bring me down, make me bitter, i will not let any of these thoughts and feelings make them come true.
I still cant help it though, i guess its fair, but I feel so comfortable around her, which im sure lets me show parts of my personality better left in the darkness, But i do not feel comfortable around any of her family.
Her mum feels.....hollow, an empty image of what once she was. Her father is unpredictable, he puts me on edge, and the wolf....i can feel him growl when i am near him, when he does some things. I have no doubt that I may not be able to keep the wolf in reign forever around him. And her grandfather....I sense hatred, spite of his age, envy of our youth. Thats why he stares, im certain of it.

Anyways, I have little more to say, those thoughts were just on my mind.
And persephone, you are probably the only one who reads this, so, simply put, I love you so much. I know no other way of putting it, but i remember my promise. Ill never let you go

strange feelings

Its odd, every once in a while, i will be overwhelmed with a feeling, a very strange feeling.
This feeling makes me feel odd, and im not sure where it is from, because it does not feel natural.
It makes me feel that i am not supposed to be happy, I am not supposed to be in love. It feels like i am supposed to be alone, and miserable. It seems that that is my destiny. For those who know me, they know that i care little for "destiny". I tend to ignore it and do what im not supposed to. Either way, its an odd feeling, im not going to let it get in the way of my happiness, but its still an odd feeling. I cant help but wonder what, or where its from.
anyways, thats all ive got to talk about.